This Newborn Thing? It’s Just Not for Me (and YES, I Still Love My Babies Wildly!)

newborn-hospital-swaddleIf you’ve been following along, you know that we’re slugging through those hazy crazy newborn days right now. We’re just two months into life with Charlie, and all the adjustments that come with that.

And I know what you’re about to say… because I’ve felt the very same words slipping out of my mouth to other moms:

“Oh those sweet newborn days, I miss them so much”

“Enjoy every moment, it passes so quickly”

“I’d give anything to go back to that newborn stage, just soak up every second”

“This time is the sweetest, don’t you just love it so much?!”

But you know what?

I don’t.

I don’t love it.

I’m just going to leave that there for a moment, because that was pretty hard to admit publicly.

It actually took a third-time mom from my son’s preschool, coming up to me as I was crazily juggling Charlie’s car seat, while trying to get Em into his winter clothes at pick-up, while I’m sure looking like some kind of exhausted zombie. She looked at me and said, ‘You’re doing great.’ And then you know what she said? To virtually a complete stranger? She said, ‘man, those newborn days were the worst for me.’

Just. Like. That.

I stumbled back to my car with both kids, and almost broke into tears right there. I don’t even think I said anything back to her… but I was thinking YES!!! They’re the worst for me too!

And you know what? Admitting that doesn’t mean I love my sweet babies any less. It doesn’t mean there aren’t a hundred times a day in this newborn phase that I don’t look at them and think my heart is going to burst for all the love I have for them.

It just means that I also have an (admittedly slightly neurotic) need for planning and organization in my life. And given that newborns basically hijack ANY semblance of plan or order, and throw you into three months of chaos and a game of ‘who knows how much sleep I’ll get today’ roulette… it really is one of the toughest phases for me.

I really DON’T love every moment. And I’m not completely convinced I’ll look back on this particular phase wishing that I was in it again (that certainly never happened with Emmett).

But what I do know is this. It’s OKAY to admit that. We don’t have to love every single stage to love our kids more than anything. And we owe it to other moms to make it okay for them to admit to not loving every moment too. No sugar-coating required.

So it’s settled. I’m going to be that mom at preschool. The one who when she sees that exhausted, struggling new mom, just says ‘Wow, you’re doing great. That newborn phase really was the worst for me. Now, can I carry that carseat?’

Xo

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10 comments

  1. I have absolutely zero shame saying I don’t miss that stage either. When I threw out the baby stuff from our home I was almost crying with joy. When we were at the event last month and I saw all the moms with newborns my heart really hurt. That is the most trying time as a parent. Being someones 24/7 everything and still having to manage the other kids, the house, the business, the marriage, and somewhere in there fit in self-care. I love my kids but I really love them a lot more when they can make their own lunch and go to the washroom alone.

    Now that I said all that, I also want to let you know that you don’t have to love it all. But one day very soon you will get in that schedule that you crave so much and it will become easier

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  2. OMG Kate! This is so me!!! So I have been blessed with my second colicky baby. The screaming takes the exhaustion to a whole new level of mental and emotional. You know what I am literally not even ready to pick my son up from daycare and be alone with the 2 yet. My newborns don’t allow me to do anything even remotely for myself since they are so unpredictable. But I love my babies so much it hurts. I am kind of counting down until we are out of this fourth trimester.

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    1. Just know you’re not the only one Kim! It’s so freaking hard. You’re making it through, day by day, and that’s what counts. Keep lovin those babies and loving yourself. You’re doing great!

      Reply
  3. This made me smile. I remember the new born + toddler days although mine are 29 & 33 now. Hopefully this will help… no it doesn’t get easier but once you except that you will not be the best mom ever and that everything takes 5X’s longer than it should and that your mental stability will max out daily 🙂 then your going to survive. I recommend deep breathing & counting to 10. Appreciate the little things. Did you remember to or have time to get a brush through your hair that day? Than screw the car seat not wanting to comply. Enjoy this time, laugh at it! because trust me! you will miss it all. Even the crazy days.

    Reply

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